Quotes and Quotations

Memorable Quotes and quotations from Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx US comedian with Marx Brothers (1890 - 1977)


Groucho Marx -
- My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.

Groucho Marx -
- In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

Groucho Marx -
- No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Groucho Marx -
- Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx -
- Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Groucho Marx -
- No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Groucho Marx -
- A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Groucho Marx - A Day at the Races - 1936
- Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

Groucho Marx -
- If i cannot smoke in heaven, then i shall not go.

Groucho Marx -
- Women should be obscene and not heard.

Groucho Marx -
- I aughta join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Groucho Marx -
- You are only as old as the woman you feel.

Groucho Marx -
- Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Groucho Marx -
- Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?

Groucho Marx -
- I like my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

Groucho Marx -
- Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

Groucho Marx -
- Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Groucho Marx -
- My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Groucho Marx -
- I have nothing but confidence in you. And very little of that.

Groucho Marx -
- From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Groucho Marx -
- The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

Groucho Marx -
- Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

Groucho Marx -
- I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Groucho Marx -
- I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Groucho Marx -
- Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Groucho Marx -
- I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

Groucho Marx -
- Go, and never darken my towels again.

Groucho Marx - "Duck Soup" 1934
- Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.

Groucho Marx -
- Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Groucho Marx -
- Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

Groucho Marx -
- Politics doesn?t make strange bedfellows--marriage does.

Groucho Marx -
- Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Groucho Marx -
- I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.